Article for Only Mums and Dads
In this article, I explore how to handle it when your ex routes messages through your children—using them as messengers instead of speaking directly—and why this matters both emotionally and practically. I show how children can end up feeling pressured, caught in the middle, or even responsible for adult communications they shouldn’t be part of.
I walk you through how to set clear boundaries with your ex‑partner: asking for direct communication (via email, app or phone), using “I” statements to express your concerns calmly, and implementing systems that avoid putting your children in a courier role. I also highlight how to approach your children: acknowledging they’re in a difficult place, reassuring them it’s not their job to relay messages, and giving them permission to say “please speak to the other parent directly” if they’re asked.
Finally, I explain how to build a healthier co‑parenting relationship into the long term—through regular check‑ins, transparent shared calendars or apps, and involving a mediator or co‑parenting coach if necessary. If your children have become the bridge between you and your ex and you’re wondering how to protect them and restore a more direct, respectful communication flow, this article offers a thoughtful, actionable roadmap.